Monday, January 8, 2007

Chicken Soup for the Hot Dog's Soul


Photo by the real janelle

This is an excerpt from the radio programme Chicken Soup for the Soul. The radio programme is read, as always, by Charlie's Angels star Kate Jackson...
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This story is from the book Chicken Soup for the Hot Dog's Soul. I'm Kate Jackson.

Hot Dog 5 of 12 was a proud hot dog. He dearly wanted to be devoured by a young child, nourishing a smiling youngster to great things.

"Maybe I will feed a future president," he thought, as he sat packaged tightly in plastic within the Food Lion supermarket, awaiting his fate. The other hot dogs, Hot Dogs 1-4 of 12 and Hot Dogs 6-12 of 12 agreed.

The hot dogs had much anticipation as they were purchased by a man with sunglasses and placed in his refrigerator. Hot Dog 5 of 12 hoped to hear the cries of little ones, begging for meat. But instead he only heard moaning.

"Oh no, they are going to feed us to an old person!" thought Hot Dog 5 of 12. But it was much worse. The man removed Hot Dogs 1 and 2 of 12 from the package and then fed them uncooked to a large black Scottish Terrier.

"The horror" cried Hot Dog 5 of 12. That night Hot Dog 5 of 12 heard 1 of 12 and 2 of 12's cries for help in his dreams.

The very next day, Hot Dogs 3 and 4 of 12 were fed to the beast. His mealy jaws crunched their meaty bodies. Hot Dog 5 of 12 knew he was next, and excreted some hot dog juice in fear.

On his final day, Hot Dog 5 of 12, with his brother Hot Dog 6 of 12, gave in to the man with sunglasses. Accepting his fate, Hot Dog 5 of 12 presented himself to the beast. But he noticed something right before the fateful chomp. On the dog's collar, was the Presidential Seal! This was no ordinary dog... it was the Barney, the Dog of The President of the United States.

As Hot Dog 5 of 12's mind went black, his body ripped to shreds, he understood that he was nourishing something greater than some potential President of the United States, he was nourishing the current President of the United States (given that President Bush and Barney had switched bodies earlier... see here... http://clownwolf.blogspot.com/2006/12/freaky-white-house-friday.html )

Later, Hot Dog 5 of 12 became dog feces, piled high on the East Lawn. The plants grew greener that day too.

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