Saturday, December 30, 2006

Mr. Ballooney Man is a Jerk at Condo Board Meetings


Photo By Shaun Woods

I am a guy who is pretty tolerant of handicaps, but it seems that my condo board is bending over backwards to meet all of Mr. Ballooney Man's "special needs."

It started as a reasonable request: to remove all sharp edges from the pool area, as Mr. Ballooney Man is rightly afraid of a nasty pop.

But then Mr. Ballooney Man asked for us to stop using staples in our monthly bulletin. ("They can be bent into a pin!" he claimed, in his high Drama Queen voice.)

He also asked for us to stop playing our Philip Glass records, as his piercing non-rhythmic tones pulsate his body to "dangerous levels." Every other person in the complex loves Philip Glass (that is why we moved here!), so this is not a popular request.

The final straw came when he asked for the board to supply him with free prostitutes to "keep him inflated." I don't know what this means, but it seems dirty to me!

Now Mr. Ballooney Man has spent $4,500 of our budget on prostitutes in the past two weeks, and everything in the building is covered in soft foam. Help!

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