It is Time to Regulate Baby Caffeine

Photo by Wayne Cheese

I think the FDA needs to crack down on Gerbers' Baby Awake and other similar caffeinated products for babies.

Babies are not truck drivers! There is no practical reason to keep them up 36 hours straight. Yes, you can win bar bets, but that is the only real use of these products.

The pills have nasty side-effects of aggression. The young tyke pictured here (call him "Dexter") wrestled a salt water squid out of the ocean and began to devour it raw... all hopped up on Earth's Best Brand of Uppers called "Happy Baby No Sleepies"

There are five babies pounding on my door right now, and I am sure all affected by the drugs. They are babbling something sounding like "Warriors! Come Out To Play!" One has milk bottles on his fingers.

Why are these babies threatening me 15 minutes until midnight on New Year's Eve???