A week ago I got a Rudolf doll with glowing nose to scare off predators. The dolls inexplicitly go on sale for around two months a year, then disappear from the market. I have no idea why. So I when I saw one at the my favorite local store (entitled Give Up Hope Retail), I seized the opportunity to buy one.
Things went fine for a while. And the number of coyote sightings in my backyard went from 6 a night to 4 a night, so I knew it was working.
Then one night I ate one of my patented "Messy Dreams," which is a recipe that is mescaline, followed by a Dreamcicle, followed by more mescaline. And to my shock, the Rudolf's doll began to communicate to me in Morse Code. I wrote down the "lengthy" message.
Things went fine for a while. And the number of coyote sightings in my backyard went from 6 a night to 4 a night, so I knew it was working.
Then one night I ate one of my patented "Messy Dreams," which is a recipe that is mescaline, followed by a Dreamcicle, followed by more mescaline. And to my shock, the Rudolf's doll began to communicate to me in Morse Code. I wrote down the "lengthy" message.
"Run coyotes... wwwqggpoa... kill at mall... qwptuacs... join coyotes... fdsyhjkdf... kill at mall... put coyotes in your pickup... qpbs9y... kill at mall... free gold!"
Free gold!?! When I heard that, I knew that the only way to get that precious free gold is to take the coyotes to the mall and join them in a killing spree
But the joke was on me! As soon as I opened by backyard door, the coyotes pounced and shredded me to near death.
Thanks for nothing Rudolf!
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