Henry Clay (Rep. Ten - Whig) was known as the Great Compromiser in Washington. Mainly due to his invention of the technique at restaurants called "let's just divide up the check equally no matter who ordered what."
But did you know that some of his "Compromises" were actually "not so great?"
Some examples...
Point: US Government wants to kill all the Indians.
Counter Point: Indians want the US Government to kill none of the Indians.
Clay's Compromise: Kill half of the Indians.
Point: Biblical father accurately asserts he is the father of his baby.
Counter Point: Lying father falsely claims he is the father of the same baby.
Clay's Compromise: Real father gets baby on Mon-Wed, Liar gets Thur-Sat, rotate Sundays.
Point: Waffles are delicious.
Counter Point: Pancakes are way better.
Clay's Compromise: Missouri shall be a slave state, while Maine a free state, maintaining an 11-11 balance in the Senate.
Somebody get this genius a coin to flip!
But did you know that some of his "Compromises" were actually "not so great?"
Some examples...
Point: US Government wants to kill all the Indians.
Counter Point: Indians want the US Government to kill none of the Indians.
Clay's Compromise: Kill half of the Indians.
Point: Biblical father accurately asserts he is the father of his baby.
Counter Point: Lying father falsely claims he is the father of the same baby.
Clay's Compromise: Real father gets baby on Mon-Wed, Liar gets Thur-Sat, rotate Sundays.
Point: Waffles are delicious.
Counter Point: Pancakes are way better.
Clay's Compromise: Missouri shall be a slave state, while Maine a free state, maintaining an 11-11 balance in the Senate.
Somebody get this genius a coin to flip!
2 comments:
Henry Clay was my great-great-great-great grandmother's cousin! No joke! So I will not have you besmirching his legacy! Now granted, before today I couldn't tell you anything about him other than the fact that he was a "statesman" which sounds pretty lame whatever that is... But here me now and believe me later: if you're gonna make fun of my relatives, there are a lot more stupider ones you could have picked.
Hank Clay was mostly hat, little cattle. One time, as we stood waiting in the Senate cloakroom, Dan Webster said he was tired, and Clay told him to go back to New England "where he belonged." Not much of a Great Compromiser on that one.
Anyway, so Strom Thurmond walks over (he was a Whig then, before he became a Democrat, before he became a Dixiecrat, before he became a Republican, and definitely before he became December in a February-December marriage). And Strom says, "Dearest Henry, if you want to dance, you've got to pay the fiddler."
With that, Clay frowned, adjusted his dicky, turned on his heels, and headed back to his office. God, we laughed about that one.
Clay my ass.
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