Wednesday, December 6, 2006

My Dog's Tribute Album to Elliott Smith is Pretentious Emo


Sparky had not been the same since mopey rocker Elliott Smith slid a knife in his chest, or was murdered whatever. My beloved dog had stopped grinding his pelvis on neighborhood teenagers, so I knew it was bad.

So I booked some time with Phil Spector for Sparky to record a tribute album. I hoped this could get it out of his system. Besides, his Johnny Cash tribute album was inspired, so I guess I got my hopes up a bit.

I'm sorry, Sparky. You are a good boy! You are daddy's a pretty boy, such a good boy! But this Elliott Smith tribute album is self-indulgent crap.

I get it! Howling and whimpering means you're sad... But for 35 minutes? Jesus, did Bjork write these songs for you? The title of the first track says it all "Orrr Orrrr Ruff... whine... whine... (to Elliott)."

Based on this sophomoric effort, I hope to god that My Chemical Romance never breaks up!

See you on myspace, Sparky!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

My dog's performance art installation at a local gallery involves urinating exclusively on Sugar Ray cds. Yoko Ono is a champion of his work.

I asked him why only Sugar Ray. He said it's a response to that sell-out bastard McGrath betraying his punk roots.

Then he ordered me to kill my family.

Greg Rice said...

My dog just told me to kill my family!

What is up with the dogs these days? So f'ing needy!

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