I took a coupon for a free Swedish Massage to my local Business-Man recently. And while I have never had a Swedish Massage before, I'm not sure they did it right.
To begin, I was put into a strong headlock. While this was relaxing for the neck, it became uncomfortable after the first hour. After hour three, I passed out. When I woke up, I was being kicked by several Portuguese men (not Swedish). They yelled "Here is your (explitive deleted) massage!"
When I managed to crawl away from them, I found out that I was on an ocean liner to Bali. My kidneys were gone (both), and my eyeballs were two different colors (neither one my original). The entire crew were made of albinos and they referred to me as Mr. Sam. Every night they made me drown an elderly dog (done with an easy toss overboard). Then they patted me on the back for a job well done which I do admit felt nice on the back.
Now I run a numbers-running service in Bali for Dr. Yulmo, the local overlord.
Has anyone else experienced a similiar "Swedish Massage?" Is my massage still happening?
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