I got the lil' Mr. Dimension Wormhole kit for early Christmas, and have made a discovery: a little wussy dimension that we should totally invade.
The Earth of this dimension is just like ours, except that they are clearly inferior. The Proof: their box office receipts of the 3 Die Hard films are like 30% lower than ours. They clearly do not appreciate maverick cops OR CHRISTMAS-TIME!
My reason to invade is entirely based on this key philosophical difference between our dimensions. The people of this dimension need to learn our freedoms by force!
That said, there are two more compelling reasons to invade... 1) everything on their planet is made of gold and 2) they have no weapons.
3 comments:
The doctrine of preemption requires invasion. I'll call Wolfowitz.
Thanks Rummy.
I have an invasion and occupation plan from the Army Dimension War College, but I assume we will be ignoring it.
In keeping with past practice, I anticipate a strategy of ignore, villify and obfuscate. And I think a certain fallen Saddam statue can tell you why. S-U-C-C-E-S-S.
By the way, I've heard through the grapevine that Cheney's putting the final touches on my going away party. Whatever you people do, for love of Christ, please don't get me another Cross pen. The last time I left, in '76, Ford bought me a dozen, and not one of them ever worked. Back at home, I'd be signing for various packages and trying to write checks, and the damn things would do nothing at all -- except irritate holy hell out of me. That they did. To get away from it all, I actually had to go back to Defense. So, please God (or Cheney), don't start that cycle all over again, or I'll be back in the Pentagon again when I'm 103.
(Not that I couldn't do the job at that point, mind you, but the mess never has any damn tapioca. And, yes, that was a joke about old people and national security. I've got a million of them. After all, there's no "room" in government quite like the Pentagon. Cap Weinberger killed here during the '80's.)
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