Excerpt of Recent Episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Is anyone over there at Playhouse Disney paying attention. I think some college kids are goofing on the scripts (pun intended).

Here is an excerpt...

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Mickey: Let's find Minnie. She's hiding behind one of three bushes. Which bush is she hiding behind? (Pause for kid to yell at home). Bush #1? Let's check!

(Samuel L. Jackson comes from behind bush #1).

Mickey: It's not Minnie. It's Sam Jackson.

(Jackson winks then drops behind bush.)

Mickey: Huh. Sam Jackson... Now what bush should we look at? (Pause for kid to yell.) Bush #1 again? Really? OK.

(Samuel L. Jackson comes from behind bush #1 again.)

Mickey: It's not Minnie. It's Sam Jackson. Just like before.

(Jackson winks then drops behind bush again.)

Mickey: Now what bush should we look at? (Pause for kid to yell.) Bush #1 again? You've picked it twice all ready. (Pause.) OK, OK, all right!

(Samuel L. Jackson comes from behind bush #1).

Mickey: It's not Minnie. It's Samuel L. Jackson.

Jackson: You remembered the "L"!

(Jackson winks then drops behind bush again.)

Mickey: Now what bush should we look at? Remember, we picked bush #1 three times now. (Pause for kid to yell.) I'm just going to pick bush #2 anyway.

(Guy Richie comes from behind bush #2).

Guy Richie: I'm married to a pop singer lady.

Mickey: What is happening here?

(Richie winks then drops behind bush.)

Mickey: We are looking for Minnie. I'm not sure why these people are here. I'm going to look behind bush #3, the last bush. (Wait for kids to yell at the TV.) No, not bush #1 again! Bush #3.

(Samuel L. Jackson comes from behind bush #3).

Mickey: It's Sam Jackson again! Jackson, what are you doing?

Jackson: I moved to this bush!

Mickey: Where is Minnie? Minnie? Minnie?

(Minnie walks up, eating a sandwich.)

Minnie: What's going on here?

The New State Names

With the election coming up, it's time to change all the names of the states that are currently awful.

New Jersey discovered that they are not that much newer than the original Jersey. Therefore New Jersey changes its name to Different Jersey.

North Dakota changes its name to South Canada, cause we in the US don't want it anymore.

West Virginia changes its name to Scary Virginia. Have you seen those people? Horrible.

Nevada changes its name to Aggressive Prostitute State with Gambling and Meth.

Arizona changes its name to Used To Live Elsewhere And Now Are Dying State.

And Guam changes its name to Now We Are A State Yeah!, although they are still not a state and this is just wishful thinking.

Why won't your state change its name? Is it stuck up?

Opening Remarks at 2007 Loggers Conference Rural Colorado

Listen, settle down!

What you just saw was not Bigfoot. a) Bigfoot doesn't exist, and b) he certainly is taller than that.

Jerry, what do you think you can do with that golf club? You can hurt it with that. He'll tear your arms off.

I mean, there is no Bigfoot outside at all. It's the wind, or a wolf, or a hairy man most likely.

Ron, board that window up, will you?

Anyway, here is the agenda for today. At 10, we will hear from the Skil company to discuss their latest line of chainsaws. At 11, we will hear a speach called "The Beaver: Friend not Foe." At 12, Lunch will be--

OH GOD! RUN! RUN!!!!