Man returns from the bathroom to find his wife, Woman, has just ordered dinner.
Woman: Honey, do you know what you want?
Man: Yes. (To Waiter.) I'll have the whitefish and a Caesar salad.
Woman: Oh my god! That is what I ordered!
The couple laughs.
The waiter laughs even harder.
Man: White fish!
Woman: Same order!
Fifteen minutes pass. Laughing.
Still laughing.
Reporter: White fish! Same order! This is the story of the year. What a scoop! Get the satellite up.
A satellite hook up broadcasts the event worldwide.
A crowd gathers outside the restaurant.
Crowd: White fish! Same order!
Men from the future materialize from a wormhole, laughing.
Future man #1: This is the event.
Future man #2: White fish!
Future man #1: Same order!
Man: You are from Future?
Future man #1: Yes... look!
They look at the satellite screen.
George W. Bush (on screen): White fish!
Bin Laden (on screen): Same order!
They shake hands. Laughing.
Man: The world is saved.
Woman: Same order!
A new study revealed that roughly 80% of all practicing dentists do not realize that they are dentists. Although they do good work and get high marks of satisfaction from their patients, they have no idea that the term "dentists" could apply to what they do.
As they go to work each day, they ask themselves: What am I doing? Why do I feel compelled each day to fix strangers' teeth? They seem to want to pay me money for this service. Is there a connection?
The other 20% of dentists, those who realize they actually are dentists, try to convince their colleagues to understand why they are being paid to work on teeth - or at least try to convince them to tell others they are dentists at cocktail parties - but to no avail.
This is why 20% of all dentists are very lonely, as the majority of other dentists will not admit to themselves they have chosen this life.
Dear world -
I have never pissed on the logo of any automobile brand, foreign or domestic. I contain my urine to toilets, exclusively.
That boy is an imposter.
That is all,
Calvin
Mad Magazine's recent parody of David Lynch's Inland Empire, a baseball themed piece entitled Inland Umpire, had much more of a coherent plot than the subject of the parody.
In the piece, a woman who mildly looks like Laura Dern is a female umpire in a Pamona-based minor league baseball team. "When looking for love, she strikes out!" says the piece.
The piece also had guest appearances by Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks and Frank Booth from Blue Velvet. And it ended with a cameo from the director Lynch himself, holding a cup of coffee and a piece of cherry pie, and saying "Even I don't get it!!!!" to the reader.
It was clear that the author of the piece had not seen Inland Empire, nor a Lynch film from the past 15 years.
Coming up for Mad, a parody of Alfonso Cuarón's Children of Men, entitled Children of Mensch - in which all the Jewish people on the planet are no longer able to hold bar mitzvahs.
The 6 fans of CvW have been writing in (long hand on parchment) expressing displeasure for limited updates of said vehicle.
The reason for delays is simple - I have been locked in a week-long, slow-speed chase with MegaDonkey, the donkey made of anti-matter.
The donkey is incredibly slow, so he is easy to outrun. But like a zombie, MegaDonkey never sleeps, never stops. So my week has been a series of running, sleeping, being awoken by an approaching "haaaawww" noise, and running again.
Why am I running? Donkey anti-matter is fatal, and can destroy the universe. You're welcome.
Anyway that lasted for a week, but ended last night when I decided just to give him my goddamn carrots.
Our Mission
Clown vs. Wolf is an exploration on why, when a clown and wolf fight, it is always the wolf that wins.
This is universally true, even when clown is a Germanic Knife and Poison Clown - the deadliest Clown known to man.
