It's Time Again to Play... Kiss or Fight! (Article from Tiger Fight Magazine)

You know the rules...

1) The postman

A: FIGHT!

2) Defenseless Puppy

A: FIGHT!

3) A wolverine with jaws and claws bound in leather

A: KISS!

4) Paris Hilton in girlie underwear

A: FIGHT!

5) Prostitute whom you have all ready paid.

A: KISS!

6) John Ashcroft

A: FIGHT!

7) Now Ashcroft is unconscious

A: FIGHT!

8) You pummel his unconscious body, severly damaging it

A: FIGHT!

9) Now he is an unrecognizable pulp

A: KISS!

10) Your pals at Tiger Fight Magazine

A: KISS

I used Blue's Clues to Stop the Terrorists

Blue had his paw prints on a dynamite belt, a downtown mall, and a manifesto entitled "Death to Bruce Willis."

I sat in my thinking chair and thinked, thinked, thinked.

Then I realized that the dynamite belt... could be used by Bruce Campbell to blow up... the manifesto about shopping malls - no wait. That's wrong.

What if the dynamite... was used to blow up a mall... where Bruce Campbell... was doing a celebrity appearance?

I went the mall where Bruce Campbell was speaking and success! The Terrorists did not blow up the star of "Evil Dead 2" and "Brisco Country Jr."

While I was there I heard that the Mall of America was hit during a "Return of Bruno" reunion concert, but you can't be everywhere at once!

Yours,
Steve or Joe
(I can't remember which one I am)

The Kindergarten Treasure Chest

Every child gets rated on a stoplight every day in Kindergarten. Green for good. Yellow for caution. Red for bad.

If you stay on green all day you get a plastic gold coin. You can get one coin every day you are good. If you collect 10 coins, you get to go to the treasure chest.

What's in the treasure chest? Human fingers.

Wanna guess what happens to you when you are on red?

You have to bite off a finger of a hobo's corpse and put it in the treasure chest.

Did you think the fingers in the box were from the children? That's gross and you're sick. There are no children's severed fingers in the box.

Unless it's from a hobo child, of course.